This is the Accordian Creation myth, which describes how the universe was created and why it is the way it is.
It all began way back a long long time ago before the Earth was even formed. In fact, it was before the solar system, or the galaxy, or any of the galaxies, were even formed. It was even before The Large Kaboom, when all that was, was non-ness, when there was not anything, and there was not nothing, and all that was, was called Chaos.
Out of Chaos was born two children, twin girls who had very little in common. These girls were called Eris and Aneris, but not in that order, and Chaos loved them both, but They did not love each other. Aneris loved all things to be tidy; neat and organized. She loved order and She was always arranging things and categorizing them based on smell, or color, or sexuality, or what have you. She said it was easier to find and to generalize things when they were grouped together.
Eris was not like Her sister at all, and preferred things to be jumbled together and mixed up and disordered because she said things were more fun that way. This, of course, led to many fights between the Two. Chaos tried to mitigate Their conflicts, but grew wearisome, and devised a plan to keep Them both occupied.
Chaos said to His daughters, "I’ve decided to create a universe for each of you. You each will have your own universe to run how you see fit, but you cannot interfere with eachother’s. Is that understood?" They both agreed, and so chaos gave Them each a universe to play with.
Aneris wished to set up Her universe with precision and order, and began categorizing all the different kinds of matter. At the end of three days, She still had not started to actually set up Her universe, but She did have two notebooks full of lists and categories of how She would organize the universe.
Eris had no desire to organize Her own universe, She wanted to get in and starting playing with it right away. So instead of creating lists, She took all the matter and just scattered it around. Alas, the matter didn’t do anything. It was scattered so well, Her universe reached almost instant heat death. Particles were arranged too randomely to interact productively, and eventually everything just settled down to a great bleak blanket of dispersed matter.
Aneris laughed at Her sister's failure and lack of foresight. Cock-sure, She picked up Her first list, and began arranging Her universe. "First, all the protons will be grouped together over here." She said. But as She attempted to group the protons together, they simply scattered apart, because they all repelled each other. Aneris was very annoyed, and decided to try again with electrons, but got the same. Her universe was a mess! Protons and electrons were just flying around all willy-nilly, with no organization at all! (This, incidentally, is the Eristic principle: "The imposition of order leads to the escalation of disorder"). She thought maybe She could balance the repulsion by grouping electrons and positrons, but as soon as She brought them together, they both disappeared! At this, Eris forgot Her own failure and burst into laughter and collapsed onto the floor, rolling with delight. Furious, Aneris kicked Her and hollered and screamed and started such an uproar that Chaos had to intervene.
When He learned what had happened, He realized His mistake. "You two cannot exist without each other, nor can your creations. For there to be order, there must be disorder, and for disorder there must be order. You two must learn to complement and balance each other, not combat and upset each other. I will create another universe for you to play with, but this time, there will only be one, and you must share it. You will learn to play together, or neither of you will get to play."
And so Chaos created the Universe, and Eris and Aneris did Their best to work together on it. When Aneris was allowed to impose order in one way, She conceded disorder to Eris in another. Aneris developed classical deterministic mechanics to govern all the energy and matter in the universe, but reluctantly agreed to let Eris superimpose quantum uncertainty on top of it. Eris created free will for the living creatures in the universe, but agreed to let Aneris invent religion and government to keep order. And they both agreed to war; Aneris for its ability to impose order, Eris for its inherent disorder and absurdity.
So that’s the story of how Eris and Aneris came about and how, together, they created the Universe we live in.
Epilogue
Maggie: “So, if both Eris and Aneris are the goddesses of this universe, and they’re both necessary, why do you only worship Eris?”
The Effenpy: “Well, it’s partly just a matter of personal preference, you see, Aneris is rather dull and a bit of a bitch. Besides, the dogma of the world today is that order is all that matters, and the single mindedness of this, the lack of balance, is the reason we’re in such a mess these days. As Erisians, we don’t suggest that Aneris is less important than Eris, but that it’s equally important to recognize Eris and her domain of disorder. But we certainly do recognize the importance of order in the world as well, we just try not to dwell on it too much because it’s boring. This is why we are called Accordians, because we seek to reach an accord between order and disorder.”
Blake Williams: "Discordian's are The Invisible Hand's method of maintaining overall equilibrium. Greyface disrupted balance, and so The Invisible Hand constructed Discordians in order to restore it."
ITH: "Almost right, but Greyface did not disrupt the Invisible Hand, he was merely acting out his aspect of the Invisible Hand's Plan."
Fynn: "But seriously, is Eris real?"
FNP "All things are real."
Greater Poop: "How is that possible?"
FNP: "I don't know, man. I didn't do it."
